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Old 10-27-2011, 03:18 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
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What are the set of ideologies/ideas that made you pursue polyamory?

I would say it was more about feelings than ideas. But to try to answer the question, it appeals to me as a bisexual to not be committed to only one person and, therefore, only one gender. I had the experience as a teen of having a crush on more than one person at a time so it was no great leap to think that I could love more than one person, which turned out to be true.

How do you define polyamory?

Either being in, or being open to being in, multiple loving relationships where your partners know about and accept your other loves, or your desire for other loves.

what are the current controversies within the polyamory "movement"/"community" ( this question can be answered by exploring what exactly is " polyamory movement and community").

I don't think there is a cohesive community, per se, but some common questions do come up for debate, such as:
- Are hierarchical arrangements and terminology, such as primary/secondary, a good idea?
- Is veto power acceptable/wise?
- On average, are poly people somehow more sensitive, communicative or open-minded than mono people?
- Are certain relationship structures more stable than others?
- Is poly "better" than swinging or open relationships?
- Is it sustainable/acceptable to set hard limits on a partner's involvement with another partner (such as no sex, no vacations as a couple, etc) with no expectations that these will some day change?

What social and cultural problems have you encountered (how do people react if/when you tell them about your choices)?

My mom was pretty upset at first and thought I was making a mistake, it took her about a year to get over it and treat my girlfriend as if she's a normal and acceptable party of my life. She still doesn't show her the same level of interest as she would if we were mono, I think, which makes me a little sad.

People are usually very curious which can be fine but can also be annoying, especially when they ask questions about sex and I don't know them well... people sometimes seem to lose all sense of what's appropriate to discuss!

Once a guy seemed to assume I was sexually available after learning about my poly relationship and actually got offended when I wasn't interested, but he was just a jerk really.

How much is sexuality a part of polyamory?

No more so than in any other relationship set up. It can actually play a lesser role than in mono arrangements, because if you and your partner are having sexual incompatibility issues it doesn't automatically mean you need to break up our go without... you can still get your needs met elsewhere.

Why pursue polyamory despite it being relatively stigmatized in our society?

Because it makes me happy, feels more honest, makes life more interesting and exciting to me, and probably most significantly because it means that I don't need to leave an old partner if I fall for someone new and feel like I just have to give things a try with the new person.

Have you ever been in non-polyamorous relationships?


How is polyamory different from swingers and other forms of sexuality?

Love and, often, commitment. All poly relationships get to be considered "real" relationships, not just the relationship between, say, the two members of a married couple who are going to the swinging party together or the bf/gf who are deciding together to open up to casual encounters.

How does an open relationship affect the position of the partners in terms of distribution of power and inequality?

I'm not sure if you're using "open relationship" here as interchangeable with "poly relationship" or not, can you clarify?

Would it make you feel better if your choices were approved by the state and general public?


Do you feel there is a stigma on people in open relationships?


How does this hinder your activities (both sexual and non-sexual)?

I need to be more circumspect... I can't explicitly talk about my gf as my gf on facebook lest it get back to her employers, I don't feel comfortable calling her my gf with co-workers to whom I'm not close, we can't kiss at gatherings of her family or where her most neighbors might see... it gets really annoying at times. But most of the time it's not a big deal and we act normally.

Is the stigma on the individuals or the concept of polyamory?

Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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