View Single Post
  #9  
Old 10-26-2011, 10:20 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedAndTall View Post
I don't mind letting a friend borrow my second motorcycle and go riding with me along the roads. but I never let them take one on on their own for the night without me along for the ride...
But your wife is not a motorcycle; she is a human being with emotions, her own unique complexities, and a mind of her own. When I read that comment, I thought, "Ewwww." Especially after re-reading your initial post and seeing this comment again:

Quote:
Originally Posted by RedAndTall View Post
. . . the first time I shared her with anyone . . .
All of that just smacks of ownership, as if you see her as a piece of property you own. You don't own your wife; therefore she is not yours to share. It isn't up to you what she does with her body. Ultimately, whether with or without your blessing, the choice is hers -- but do let her know what you're comfortable with. With an "owner" mindset, I can see how you want to keep close tabs. But accepting your wife's autonomy as a human being who can make her own decisions, and trusting her good judgment would surely benefit you both. This is not to say she should just throw herself into questionable situations -- safety is always a factor -- but consider loosening up here and there. Maybe a better way to handle it is to meet her potential lovers and get to know them well before sex happens (poly is about relationships, after all), but then back off and let them have alone time when they decide they are ready to have sex.



Quote:
Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I think you will probably find a big difference in how poly men approach being with your wife, from how swinger men approach it.
The difference only lies in time, not 'lifestyle'. Get to know people before you fuck, or seriously date them. I`ve had poly men try and touch me inappropriately, and swinger men want to learn about poly and 'do things right' for a opportunity to date me.
Yep, that's why I said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
If the guy is experienced in practicing ethical polyamorous relationships, it's more likely he will respect boundaries and actually want to develop a relationship with her first, rather than just get her in the sack right away. Of course, there are both gentlemanly swingers and poly buffoons out there, but if you are both smart about how you try and find people . . .
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
Reply With Quote