Thread: Honesty in poly
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Old 10-26-2011, 09:33 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Have you ever been cheated on in the way he is? Have you deeply loved and cared for someone and had them destroy your trust of anyone because you learned that everything you knew was a lie? I suggest you take a look at some of the threads found under the tag "cheating" in the search engine too. It might help to find some empathy for this woman. No one deserves to be treated with so much disrespect. I don't care what she has done or who she is. Everyone deserves honesty and consideration. Without those basic things there is no love in the world and no hope of anyone ever healing from the damage we cause each other. I suggest that making that your spiritual goal is more healthy rather than the "rising above your ego" goal.
Originally Posted by Moonmama View Post
I have indeed been cheated on and that was part of the journey to discover the "who" the felt hurt, and what it was that hurt me. I discovered through buddhist meditation practices and specifically tonglen, the practice of connecting to the suffering of the collective consciousness, and breathing it in, transforming it to love and exhaling it. There is nothing that having trust can make secure for you, not even in marriage. You can trust someone but I would rather love someone without condition than have to "trust" them. Trust is a promise. Promises only work until the day that the souls who made the promise undergoes change, which is ALWAYS going to happen. Nothing is changeless, and I am happy to release my "need" for trust. When you release needs you have a feeling of freefalling, there is no secure ground, but THAT IS THE TRUE REALITY <3 ITs not a bad thing, its beautiful. From this void we can create fresh in every moment.
This is not what I know of Tonglen. It's not about ADDING suffering, but taking it in and breathing out love. What you are saying here is totally confusing to me What does trust have to do with it at all?

"Trust is a promise" you say. hmmmm. Its only a promise if someone promises to do something. From my experience people trust what people say when there is not reason not to. Simple as that. By this man not communicating and leading her to believe that she is in a monogamous relationship with her and that you are just a friend, he made himself out to be trustworthy. At least that is what she thought. Now he is saying he and you lied and that he is not trustworthy and broke a promise? He didn't promise anything. She was acting out of her human nature to trust those she loves, because we were all like that from the moment we were born.

No, there is no security in trust. But the world is a very lonely place without it. Its a huge risk sometimes. Its also a huge complement and act of faith when someone trusts us. What a huge gift from others. Why not allow them to give us the gift of trust by being trustworthy.

Trust is what we are born with... as I have said before. Would you say that it is our job to remove that from our children because they should never trust anyone's promise to love them and care for them when they need that? At some point we all have to trust because we need each other... at least most of us do I think. Its a basic need.... this being from a scientific sense, not from a spiritual sense.
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