You are definitely validating my thoughts are feelings around this. I had a talk with K about this the night before last. He did hear me, and said he was going to think about it and consider my view on it. He encouraged me to also rethink that maybe she does respect our relationship more than it seems to me, and that it might be her struggles with my fibromyalgia that is coming through; it is a very hard condition for anyone who has someone in their life with it...it took K a while to adjust and realize how truly difficult it is for me having it. Difficulties with family members understanding it is a common issue, and he, at least, was gentle while coming to terms with it; she openly admits to me that she is struggling with it and is trying to let go of her issues around it. I am trying to suspend disbelief and see it through that lens, at least for a while. I told him that I am going to hold on at least until my SSDI comes through (big crossed fingers-my final hearing with judge and attorney is this coming Monday) and see if my being able to contribute financially makes any difference. I suspect, though, that it's not the real issue, I think it's the mask over the real issue of not feeling comfortable with poly, or as she puts it "I don't *get* poly". And from past experience I think he sees partners with a rosy lens until he's hit upside the head with a clear show stopper. Clearly that's also something I need to think about in relationship to him. I will be watching how it all goes going forward. I also intend to try to have a discussion with her directly about her comfort level with K and my relationship. I'll get to see if she's willing to talk about that respectfully and honestly with me. At least right now things are going pretty well, and I am not feeling marginalized by her for the time being.
Maybe I'm just way too patient.