Something others havent addressed is that their first one on one date involved alcohol, and lots of it! No doubt your h was wearing beer goggles by the time the making out started. Then he found out she was a good kisser and so his views changed about her attractiveness.
It does seem a bit insulting she didnt really want to talk to you at the 2nd poly dinner, but at least she was near you, in the car and at dinner, so you got to watch her interact. There is no rule metamours need to be more than polite when they meet. She seems more interested in potential dates with men.
BTW, Cindie, I'd call a makeout session sexual contact. They weren't just sitting there knitting or talking about television shows. They were kissing, maybe groping, exploring each others mouths and bodies. imo, 3 dates (2 dinners with others, one date one on one), plus months of cyberchat, counts as some sort of relationship, in my book. It's still a relationship even if you don't call each other bf and gf.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)