Originally Posted by RedAndTall
The question here is that I'm talking to Red about opening up the next level of things and actually letting her go out on dates with other men (and women)...
It's that whole stomach knotting and nervousness about the possible negative outcomes. The rules would be that there is no actual sexual activity (kissing, petting etc. is of course fine.)
Are you talking about a first date for her, where kissing and petting is fine but no actual intercourse allowed? How do you define petting, and why say, "of course" petting is fine? Petting to me involves breast play and groping each others' genitals, perhaps to orgasm. How is that different (for you) from penis in vagina sex if she dates a man? How is petting not considered full on sex if she dates a woman (looks around in bed.. any penises here? nope... let's get undressed and "pet!")?
... it's not HER i'm really worried about. It's someone she dates trying to get her to break the rules knowing them before hand and then that would set off a whole slew of trust issues with him, her, etc. etc.
Well, if some guy or girl tried to get your wife to break boundaries, knowing what they are, they wouldn't be respectful, and lack of respect is a deal breaker in any relationship. Your wife can say "No," right? She can set the pace with an eager lover, out of respect for her primary relationship.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)