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Old 10-26-2011, 11:32 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Do you romance your wife regularly?

Get a babysitter and take her out on dates?

Tell her how sexy she is? Buy her lingerie and sex toys?

Try new things in bed with her?

Help with the housework and childcare so you two have more time for romance and making love?

Not saying you don't, but I think what lots of men miss is that a woman's desire is often tied to how desirable her partner finds her. If her enthusiasm has waned, perhaps she's not getting enough of the message from you that you want her. Maybe she's tired at the end of the day from her work as a wife and mother and wants to know she still turns you on. Maybe she is self-conscious of her body after having babies. Whatever it is, I think that delving into finding out, understanding, and dealing with any issues surrounding the changes in your sex life should take place wa-a-a-ay before trying polyamory or other forms of non-monogamy and being sexual with other women. That could be just opening a can of worms if she's feeling rejected. And having a sexual relationship with someone else, just to make up for what is lacking in your marriage, is not a nice way to treat another woman coming into this situation. You'd be putting her in the role of sex toy.

So I say look at what's missing in your marriage first and make changes to improve and deepen your intimacy with your wife, before trying to get your jollies with other people.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 10-26-2011 at 11:55 AM.
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