I few weeks ago, my husband (C) told M that he would not see engage in their relationship until she made a decision about her boyfriend. He held true to that, which I was not sure he would do. But he did. So here's the drama...which I do believe is the final drama of this situation. M told her boyfriend on Friday night and yes, 24 hours later, he told her he didn't want to see her anymore. She called C as we were walking out the door on Saturday night to say she needed to see him. He told her we would be home around 10 and he would meet her, and that he was available all day Sunday. That didn't go over well. She called him names, told him she did this for him and now he was proving that she was inferior, that his wife was taking precedence, god knows what else she was saying. There was another verbal assault yesterday, and evidently another one yet again this morning. I do believe it's over. She said if he won't communicate with her, after he said he won't anymore, she will email me and be angry with me. Can't wait for that. It will take every ounce of willpower I have not to respond if she emails me, but I will not.
I knew it was going to happen that way on Saturday. She had not contacted him except a text in the morning, and she knew we had plans that night. It was not a request that she was hurting and when could they see each other. It was I am hurting and you need to prove that I am important by coming to me right now. That's what it has been from the beginning, and that's what it always would have been. I'm not sure what exactly changed for her, as the three of us spent some time together socially, and she stayed over at our house twice, sleeping with C both of those nights. Sometime after that, her insecurities and expectations took center stage. And we never talked about it and set ground rules and blah blah blah.
I've learned to trust my husband a little bit more. I've learned that he does have boundaries and is honest with me. I've learned that he enjoys the drama way more than I do. I've learned that I don't have to be afraid that he's putting us at risk, and that he can be responsible for his own decisions. Now let's just hope I can hold onto what I've learned.
The bigger question... how do you find these things out about a person before situations occur where all this crap becomes exposed? It really did seem to be off to a good start. How do you "interview" someone for inferiority complexes and a really bad temper, among other things?
Again, I say thank you to everyone for this forum. And thanks for taking the time to reply.