Originally Posted by opalescent
Beloved and I broke up several years ago and were apart for almost 2 years. We got together again and stayed together for 7 more years. I wish I had handled several things differently during those years - gotten professional help for my lack of desire, changed how we interacted in some other ways - but I don't regret that we got back together. The consequences of getting back together are currently painful but I'm trying to accept that pain and learn from it.
I wish you and Cherry the best!
Wow, 2 years apart and still there was something that brought you both together again. It's unfortunate it ended again. Would you go for the third chance were it available to you?
Thanks, I wish the best for us too. But it really is going to be about taking it slow and sorting through problems we already had.
Originally Posted by Moonglow
I have given one second chance in my life. It worked for a while and it wasn't due to anything about our relationship that it didn't work. I expect him to show up on my doorstep any day now looking for another chance. I rarely if ever cut someone off cold turkey but there's a few people I probably would never give a second chance. But I think there just something so permanent about the word never...
I agree. I hate the word never and wouldn't use it unless I was absolutely certain all over. In terms of relationships, I think a lot of people at least have a line where it just becomes too much and never is the only option.
Originally Posted by nycindie
I'm all for second changes SG, as long as all parties are willing to make changes and it isn't just a rehash of what was going on before. I would, personally, ask that I see some progress in areas that were issues, and let them know that it won't be good enough if some effort isn't made.
You wanted a partner who accepted such a huge, important part of who you are, and it was frustrating to you that Cherry had such a hard time with jealousy and trying to understand polyamory, even though you didn't have any other partners beside her. I hope she is more willing this time around than she was before, to look at her fears and jealousy, try to deconstruct them, and examine the difficulty she had in being in a relationship with someone who is polyamorous, even if it is by taking baby steps. Because it did sound like you had a good connection with each other, so I wish only good things for you both as you move forward in "Phase II."
Baby steps it shall be. I think that's always a good thing to do when you get back into an old relationship. Take things slow and figure out what went wrong and make sure you put things in place for them to never happen again.
I'm not feeling overly optimistic about things. In my case with Cherry, I'm thinking I could easily come off strong by talking through a lot of the problems I have that need to be managed. Very important things that anyone would agree with. Even herself. But she's very much an emotional thinker, rather than a rational one.
When you guys come to difficult points like that, what have you done/would you do?