Hi guys, Iím quite new to this and really, really confused about my feelings, so I was wondering if you could help. Any advice would be appreciated, but please be kind.
I met this guy about 10 months ago and we connected instantly. It was as if we already knew each other; weíre both vegan, both spiritual, etc. About an hour into our first conversation he told me he had a girlfriend. At this point I didnít know what polyamory was and asked him why he was still talking to me, and we left it at that. He ended up getting my phone number before he told me about his girlfriend so he texted me asking me out and telling me his girlfriend was completely fine with it all. So I obliged after a bit of convincing.
Soon enough he became my boyfriend and we are in love. He is still with his other girlfriend and he tells me he will always be polyamorous, but admits having two girlfriends is hard for him because he is so loyal. He sees us both equally, and spends time with us equally, which is hard for him because he has to do a lot of driving, etc. He is the most amazing, loving person Iíve ever met. He is always there for me the second I need help and he would do anything for me. He doesnít have any bad intentions.
Before I met him I had never had a boyfriend before, so my first relationship is polyamorous. I donít know how to feel. Iíve met his girlfriend before and sheís a nice girl and has done nothing wrong. I agree with the principles of honesty in polyamory and everything it stands for. To be honest I donít think I can ever be monogamous. But all of my friends are monogamous and tell me itís wrong and itís so hard to fit in. I also feel jealous a lot. Sometimes I can make the jealousy go away but it always comes back, and I feel like a bad person because Iím supposed to feel happy for him.
I feel like Iím on a roller coaster. Most of the time everything is fine and weíre in love, but all it takes is a single thought in my mind that heís with her and I come crumbling down. Iím scared of the future and I want to be with him at all costs but I donít know if my feelings are right or wrong, or if theyíre justifiable.