To give you the perspective of 'the person in the middle':
In regard to my two men I have to say: it would be nearly impossible for me if they couldn't call each other friends. If they couldn’t, hm well, sort of approve of each other in this intimate way. Because they are the most important parts of my life and I would feel like my life got kind of separated or split up if they hadn't been this fond of each other.
Maybe this point of view is an extreme one; there have been many stories where the people involved manage as well. But I am kind of greedy in a way there. I need all my important people close to me and need the conviction that they are getting as much out of each other as I do. If I would be the only deeper link connecting them, just because they fell in love with me but the respective other wouldn't tell them anything, it would feel like I am pressing a person in their life that would never be there otherwise and they put up with some discomfort for my sake.
Sward once said that he would have befriended Lin if they met in a different surrounding and the same is true for Lin. And Sward said that it would have been really difficult to manage the poly journey with someone he didn't knew and didn't trust and maybe didn't like the way he felt about Lin. Lin is even more traditional than Sward is (in regard to the monogamous business) and he couldn't imagine any other constellation as being very fond of the metamour that is present in the same relationship as he is in. Because: they are part of your life in a very intimate way. And to feel content and satisfied with every part of your private life, you need to feel content and satisfied with every person that is involved in it.
That's how we work
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.