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Old 10-23-2011, 10:28 PM
onoma onoma is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78

Originally Posted by PipeDreamer View Post
If you two are not stable, do you really want to rush into having kids together?
I'm not, no. :P

She's a few years older than me though. The biological clock is ticking pretty loudly for her... she's convinced she has to start within a year or miss her chance.

When I hear someone say that they would do anything to make me happy or that I just need to say such-and-such to make things better, my hair stands up, my spidey sense starts tingling, and I start eyeballing the door/window, whatever to make an escape. (I am happily married and have been with the same woman for 7 years, btw.)
In my experience, the girls I dated that used lines like this were just being manipulative and I stuck around thinking it would work out and it only prolonged the unfortunate experience. I can't say I would change it though, because I feel I learned from it in the long run.
As a general rule I don't think she's manipulative. If anything I think it's hard for us both to separate... but I could be wrong.

If you are not ready for kids now, you are simply not ready for kids. Telling her you would be ready for kids if things were better between the two of you seems like kidding yourself for a short term gain. How long should things be good before you start trying to have kids?
I don't want to raise kids in the situation the way it is now. We're fighting on a weekly basis, and sometimes I feel like we're adversarial with each other. Worse yet I think our flaws are similar and we feed into each others' weaknesses. BUT, she's gone through some stuff in the last couple years and has been depressed but coming out of it. So I keep thinking things will change/improve. We were really getting along great before moving in together or I wouldn't have done it...

Both my wife and I were raised Catholic and we are seriously considering polyamory. After a lot of mulling and idea sorting, I brought some of my ideas to her and she was understanding of it all. Besides, Catholics are all about taking things in moderation. Take each other in moderation and start another relationship in moderation. Woot!
Good to know, and congrats!

I may be nitpicking here, but an open relationship is different than a poly relationship, no? I don't think I would like to see my wife running around with just whomever, should she decide to experience other men. We have talked about her having another committed partner and I feel much better about that. She feels the same way with the tables turned.
I don't know if there is a difference... but I think I'd want something similar to what you describe. I don't think she's at all the one-night-stand type of girl, and I'm not sure I could manage that either really.

Ideally I'd just be able to date some women I find interesting without looking for a permanent relationship. Basically, what I should have done when I was 20 but I have a girlfriend or wife to come home to.

It sounds like she has brought it up a few times. Maybe test the waters a bit more by hinting at it and then carefully start moving into headier aspects of the topic. It all depends on how well you know each other. Will she blow a gasket if you start talking about this, will she accept what you have to say and think about it, or will she do something else?

My $0.92.
But how do I hint?

On the bringing it up part... the other night we went to an art gallery event. We were sitting in a corner and I went to get us something. When I came back my gf tells me this other couple was dancing in front of her doing "bad things" and the guy kept checking her out. She thought maybe they "thought she would be into sharing" or something, but seemed to sound like obviously she wouldn't. So really... not sure. Whenever she brings it up directly she just says she wouldn't...

Last edited by onoma; 10-23-2011 at 10:37 PM.
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