The thing is, if you know you want to keep your relationship, having someone around all the time who wants to break you up is just a bad idea. Resolve is all well and good, but I've been doing some reading lately about the science of willpower and avoiding things that break down your resolve is the best way to keep it strong. You guys are allowing your relationship to be sabotaged, whether you think of it that way or not. Same for your self-esteem... it's great that your bf stands up for you, but that doesn't mean it's not still hurting you to be hearing this negative stuff all the time.
Why is it all up to her to figure out if she's ok with this situation or not? If shes *obviously* not after all this time, and she's bad for you and your relationship, at what point do you guys say enough is enough?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.