A good lover is a healing lover. No matter the gender, male, female or someone in between. But let me address men.
I want a man with a slow hand
I want a lover with an easy touch
I want someone who will spend some time
Not come and go in a heated rush
Old song, but so true.
The sexual healing lyrics from Mr Marvin Gay:
Baby I got sick this morning
A sea was storming inside me
Baby, I think I'm capsizing
The waves are rising and rising
And when I get that feeling
I want sexual healing
Sexual healing is good for me
Makes me feel so fine
It's such a rush
Sexual healing is something that's good for us
Please don't procrastinate
It's not good to masturbate.
If I had to break down the qualities of a good, healing lover (like D), they would be:
1) Present 100%. I always felt like when D and I were together, our two bodies (and souls, although I doubt he was thinking of his soul at the time) were all that existed for him, right there, right now. This intense focus, this eagerness, I learned over time, seemed to be something he brought to all of his endeavours.
2) Someone who intuitively seems to almost always touch you or do something to you in *just* the way you want or need it, right at that moment. (Personally I like a firm touch, a confident hand [and tongue], like a horse does, not tentative fluttery butterfly motions. [YMMV]. And D always brought that.) If he senses you need something different and he doesn't quite know what it is, he asks you, "what do you want now?" If you're too overcome to speak, he'll do something, and ask, verbally or non-verbally, "This...? or how about... this?" Eye contact helps... you feel like he is naturally reading you and watching your body language to sense your satisfaction or need to move to a different activity. Mix it up, have a sense of play!
3) Someone who will actually plan a sexual get-together ahead of time. He used to text me in the hours before we had a date planned, and tell me the things he wanted to do to me that afternoon or evening, and also ask me, what do you want, what do you want to try this time? Creativity and imagination combined with lust, knowing that he's thinking of me, of pleasing me, while anticipating his own pleasure, made me feel flattered, titillated, valued and cherished.
4) It should go without saying that a healing male lover will make sure his female partner has had her full pleasure before allowing himself to cum. D always seemed to sense when I'd had full satisfaction. However he would always ask permission to cum verbally, which was a lovely sign of respect, even though I always gave permission, because he always asked when it was obvious I was fulfilled and near exhaustion.
After a 10 minute rest, the desire would rise in both of us again and we'd have a second, shorter go. Just the cherry on top of the sundae. I love a guy with stamina.
Finally, before we got up from our "bed" (couch, back of the van out in nature), we'd continue our connection non-sexually by me stroking his hair (which he told me he loved), or giving him a back massage. Stroking his long muscular back when we both felt all melty and relaxed after our sexual play was wonderfully sensuous for me. He'd purr.
I hope we've all felt this healing, many many times in our lives, of the lovely endorphin overload after a good unrushed intense romp in the sack, where the rest of the world and all its attendant troubles melt away, and we just drift on the lovely warm feelings during the cuddling that ensues after the orgasms are over. It's like a mini-vacation, with perhaps a few bruises and lovebite marks taking the place of sunburn and sore feet. I love seeing those physical souvenirs of our liaisons for a few days afterwards.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)
Last edited by Magdlyn; 10-23-2011 at 12:48 PM.