Thread: Honesty in poly
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Old 10-23-2011, 04:03 AM
Moonmama Moonmama is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Southern Cali
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[/QUOTE]Have you ever been cheated on in the way he is? Have you deeply loved and cared for someone and had them destroy your trust of anyone because you learned that everything you knew was a lie? I suggest you take a look at some of the threads found under the tag "cheating" in the search engine too. It might help to find some empathy for this woman. No one deserves to be treated with so much disrespect. I don't care what she has done or who she is. Everyone deserves honesty and consideration. Without those basic things there is no love in the world and no hope of anyone ever healing from the damage we cause each other. I suggest that making that your spiritual goal is more healthy rather than the "rising above your ego" goal.[/QUOTE]

I have indeed been cheated on and that was part of the journey to discover the "who" the felt hurt, and what it was that hurt me. I discovered through buddhist meditation practices and specifically tonglen, the practice of connecting to the suffering of the collective consciousness, and breathing it in, transforming it to love and exhaling it. There is nothing that having trust can make secure for you, not even in marriage. You can trust someone but I would rather love someone without condition than have to "trust" them. Trust is a promise. Promises only work until the day that the souls who made the promise undergoes change, which is ALWAYS going to happen. Nothing is changeless, and I am happy to release my "need" for trust. When you release needs you have a feeling of freefalling, there is no secure ground, but THAT IS THE TRUE REALITY <3 ITs not a bad thing, its beautiful. From this void we can create fresh in every moment.

Again, I am not saying in any way that I was desiring to create the experience of lying to her, I was opposed to that but ultimately it was his relationship. I am not here to make decisions for him. I do wonder if you truly believe that this pattern of his would have healed by giving him the ultimatum as was suggested (which would not work on my end as I do not care to put those types of limitations on relationships! So therefor I would have had to act in untruth. Also, for both him and I and my husband, to not explore our relationship would have been lying to ourselves. Betrayal of the self is the highest betrayal of all. We are all human and everyone makes mistakes and that is how we learn. I still do not see the situation as having healed the dishonesty pattern had it not unfolded the way it has. I am assuming you must be coming from a place of having healed all your human attributes as well, such as name calling and judging and condemming others for not doing things as you would have done them. Without these basic considerations there is no hope of healing the damage we have done to eachother

In resolution to all this, after having a loving and supportive conversation in which we discussed his biggest fears regarding all this was actually a fear of being outed as poly, and being called a weirdo or other lovely names as humans can be so quick to do, he finally found the resolution to share the situation.

Obviously there was a LOT of anger the first day but they have moved into the second day and now the she wishes he had told her sooner, that it was just the lie of it that really bothers her. He says this was the hardest lesson he has ever had. He feels now that he was being weak before, and that is was way worse in his mind. She has gone and told all their friends and he is starting to deal with that now they are thinking he is a freak, but has decided to try radical honesty as a new policy. I am grateful to have shared this journey with him and wonder what the future may hold as you never know. There could be a new woman in my life

I would like to thank the few of you who didnt jump up in judgment for holding the space, and I would also like to thank those of you who were very harsh. I find teachers everywhere.

Namaste <3

Last edited by Moonmama; 10-23-2011 at 04:23 AM.
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