[QUOTE=redpepper;107163]This man is not poly if you ask me, and nor are you if you willingly entered into this situation with him. Maybe in orientation, but not in lifestyle. This is cheating, hands down. Its very black and white to me; non-monogamy without consent, knowledge, honest and open communication in a relationship is cheating... Non-monogamy that is responsible and considerate with ethics such as empathy, integrity etc. is poly. If you want to know more about what others have said on this then check some of the threads found in a search in the tags for "lessons" and "foundations"
I recognized a person that was in a relationship that was not in alignment with his highest truth, or hers, and I have a very deep intuition and trust in what I feel/know. I know for a fact that cheating happened in this relationship between them, and I KNOW ITS BECAUSE he is poly but wasnt aware that this is what was going on. So instead of being JUDGEMENTAL AND OVERBEARING I created a safe place for him to move from his previously held belief about himself, which is that when he falls in love with a woman he always hurts her in the end because he loves many women, and they usually overlap. In his previous relationships he was denying his true feelings, what he has been told by society was wrong and bad (and apparently by you as well since instead of supporting a young person moving through this unfolding process, you condemn them and basically say they arent welcome because their journey didnt start the same way that yours did!!!) Had I not had a relationship with him, he probably would have continued on the way he was going, which I also think is fine if thats what he chooses. Its not the path I would choose for myself, but my soul lessons are different than his.
Sorry, but "rising above ones ego" just doesn't convince me here. It sounds like a cop out to being invested in someone. To me that means a person has not invested or been moved by a person in terms of bonding. This woman has possibly bonded with this man and he has taken her for a ride by not being responsible in his communication. His heart and sole concern is himself.
I am not attached to this or any relationship. I welcome the companionship of others on my journey, but I am very clear on where I am going. The ego that I am referring to in this way would be from a Buddhist or ascension context. I do not believe that I am the "story of me" that exists in third density. Therefor I have no need to attach "myself" to any particular outcome because there is no one to be attached. This is why I am not afraid of being hurt in this relationship, only helping create the transformation into truth and higher truths. Anyone can walk away from a cheater. That is obviously what you would do. OR you might point the finger and tell them not to do that again. However, if the pain of the hurt he felt and that he had caused others during past occurences didnt heal him of that, nor the judgement of others, perhaps the way to heal that is through love and the safe space to create a non judgemntal relationship and support to help him see what his higher truth was.
It sounds more like you are saying she doesn't have a right to own her emotions if she finds out. I would consider that emotionally abusive actually. If not then it makes me think that you are finding a way to justify his actions in order to sleep okay at night.
She completely has a right to feel whatever comes up for her. However, she knew he wanted to date lots of other women and "fixed him up" enough to make him monogomous, pushing him into a box that made her feel like she could love him under those conditions. Here we have CONDITIONAL LOVE: I only love you if________ and _______. This is also accompanied by feelings of "There is only so much love to go around. I am not making a blanket statement about all monogomous or polyfidelous relationships, I am only referring to this particular relationship. However, I also see this in similar context to being in a monogomous STRAIGHT relationship as you meet someone of the same gender, fall in love and realize you are not straight. It is not the easiest thing to tell your mate that this is what you have discovered. Are they going to be mad? Probably! should you not have allowed yourself that relationship, even though the sudden realization made your soul excited about this new phase of your journey? Does that mean you no longer love your mate? Should you break up with them right away? Tell them first? What if they tell everybody? Are you ready to come out to the world???? This is exactly the same things you could feel discovering that you are poly. Upon further discussion, this turned out to be THE BIGGEST REASON he didnt want to come clean. He was less afraid of what she was going to say, but she was going to tell everyone they both knew and he wasnt sure how he felt about that. There was still time for him to end our relationship. Again, this is an unfolding process, and I am not going to be the one to rip open the rosebud. These things take time. This has been a long time coming for him, this lesson on honesty in relationships.
"Rising above ones ego" is what I would consider as being a flake and irresponsible. I find it more egotistical than acknowledging that we all have egos and that that is healthy. He sounds like a flake to me. And ya, if he is a flake and a lier to her he will be to everyone. Once a cheater gets away with lying and flaking our of communication they always do until they get caught. I dunno, maybe that's okay with you. I certainly would turn me off.
Obviously we are coming from different places. The Ego is not something that I find healthy in MOST people, including yours, as you are so quick to label and judge people in comparison to the "story of you," your ego that you believe you are. I also strongly disagree with your ideas that things are static as nothing in life is unchanging except for the fact that it is always changing. I find it a turn off that you are so quick to judge and label and I am sorry that people are doing the same to you in your life. Your words are a mirror of your internal condition. That would only bother you if you were saying words that you wish were not reflective of yourself.
Have you had a child before? They teach you something about ego and how important it is to have one. Ego is natural and healthy I think, the quest is for me to balance my ego with empathy. Something this man is clueless of by the sound of it.
This is my third child, and I take complete and total responsiblity for all aspects of my child rearing. I do conscious conception, which involves meditating and cleansing by body and past emotions regarding the trauma that occured in my first hospital birth. I do my own prenatal care and I am a spiritual midwife for myself and others. I seek medical care when I need to after researching the risks and benefits of all tests and treatments. I make the best choices for MY PARTICULAR FAMILY from a place of sound knowledge, intuition, love and compassion. Thank you for your concern.
Before we decided to have a baby we were all clear that should someone feel like they are not inclined to continue on in this relationship, that they are always more than welcome to journey in a way that best supports THEIR soul's desire. I am completely comfortable raising my children without either one, as I know that my children are also souls that consciously chose us as parents before they were born, knowing where we were in our soul journeys and what particular issues we were facing at the time. I also might add that I also trust my children's judgement on what is right for them. We have a parenting style that permits each soul to be honored in the choices that they make. To many that would seem incredibly permissive, but I see my role as a parent to be that of a loving guide,and also as a student, as my children have already taught me more about patience than I have learned anywhere else In my view, children come in as awakened souls in new physical bodies, I find many of the ways people treat children to be demeaning, inlcuding the routine use of diapers without offering the child opportunities to use the potty right from birth. Again, a different view than many others, but it doesnt make it right or wrong, just different.