Originally Posted by ray
...It sounds like he might not be totally with it. Ultimately, it is your choice but he seems to be acting a bit fickle. He should be able to express if he is or is not okay with something when you ask for his opinion. He may be uncertain or testing you or witholding...?
I do get the feeling there is some testing going on. Perhaps along with what Mono was saying (thank you Mono) about becoming less invested in our relationship. I think in some ways he wants to leave it up to me so that I can prove to him that I am who he wants me to be. If I stay monogamous, I pass. If I choose intimacy with others knowing full well it will hurt him, then I'm not who he wanted in a wife and he has a concrete reason for ending it. Since he is monogamous and understands the world only from that point of view, I think he may also believe that my intimacy with other men would also prove that he
is not who I
wanted in a husband.
For now my choice is to remove all physical intimacy from the other relationships. I'm sorely tempted to remove it from my marriage as well, but I know that would harm us. I think it's a desire to punish him by taking away from him what he is, in his indirect way, taking away from my other relationships. Sadly, I don't think he'd really miss it, and I would.