In reading this entire thread I am not surprised of your recent developments. Why? Because I ask myself these types of questions constantly from your hubby's perspective. A little explanation: There are a lot of times where I feel I would be perfectly good with RP becoming sexual with a friend of ours (her non-sexual boyfriend Leo). I have certain sexual concerns around his swinger activities and his wife's sexual behavior but those could be managed).
When I have these thoughts I have to look very deep as to why I am feeling this way because I have felt this way with my ex-wife. Back then it was because I had lost intimate connection and did not value her sexuality the same way I once did. I wasn't intimately invested in her the way I once was.
I have to ask myself why I am feeling ok with the idea - is it because I truly am ok or because I no longer value the relationship the same way I once did? Am I truly invested in maintaining an intimate connection with her? Am I a ok with it because I am so in love with her or because I feel the relationship is going to morph into something less connected anyway? Maybe...and just maybe, I am looking for a way out subconsciously? That would be the worst - setting her up to create a situation where I could use it to change the nature of our relationship. Would I be giving myself justification to do things I normally wouldn't? I've done this in the past and have to be watchful of myself for this.
In the event that they did become intimate, that is all I would want to know. I wouldn't want to know what they do, when they do it, or see any indication of their new found intimacy. I get the don't ask don't tell appeal for people. If I put myself into the situation of being in an open relationship it would likely not be the kind where partners need to know each other or even be aware of what goes on as long as people are safe.
So I guess I don't have words of advice really..just a perspective.
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes
Poly Events All Over