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Old 10-22-2011, 09:43 AM
PipeDreamer PipeDreamer is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Czech Republic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
The problem: She wants to start trying for kids in less than a year.
If you two are not stable, do you really want to rush into having kids together? I don't have kids of my own yet, but I have talked to several people who thought having kids would fix and solidify their relationship. They still split up/got divorced.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
So for me, kids means:
1) No chance at sleeping with other women ever, for the rest of my life. (Along with less opportunity for travel, exploration, trying different cities to live in.)

2) I might end up "chained" to a woman who makes me miserable if things don't improve.
1) I disagree with this. Maybe you can work that out with her if she is receptive to your ideas. It sounds like she is at least willing to discuss the topic. As far as less opportunity for travel, etc., people make it happen. Yeah, it can be more difficult and expensive, but if it's important to you, you can find a way.

2) Yep. If I were in your position, I would think long and hard about this. That chain will be attached for 2 decades at least. After that, you will start to get some freedom.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
So last night when she tells me I just need to tell her how we can fix this, and that she'd do _anything_ to make me happy, it was all I could think about. I just needed to say that I'd be ready for kids if things worked better between us.
When I hear someone say that they would do anything to make me happy or that I just need to say such-and-such to make things better, my hair stands up, my spidey sense starts tingling, and I start eyeballing the door/window, whatever to make an escape. (I am happily married and have been with the same woman for 7 years, btw.)
In my experience, the girls I dated that used lines like this were just being manipulative and I stuck around thinking it would work out and it only prolonged the unfortunate experience. I can't say I would change it though, because I feel I learned from it in the long run.

If you are not ready for kids now, you are simply not ready for kids. Telling her you would be ready for kids if things were better between the two of you seems like kidding yourself for a short term gain. How long should things be good before you start trying to have kids?
Putting the pressure on for making babies sounds like a bad idea if things are not going really well. I am in my early 30s and I wanted to have kids in my early 20s. Well, I didn't get what I wanted. Shucks. I am still alive and happy. My wife and I are specifically choosing not to have kids at this time because we don't feel we are ready yet... for various reasons. Sometimes I want to and she doesn't, Sometimes it's the other way around. We talk about it, but then decide, "Nah, let's wait a bit more." I'd love to have kids while I am a bit younger, but it may not be in the cards for me. It may not be in the cards for your girlfriend either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
Increased Difficulty: She's Catholic. Not Catholic enough to wait until marriage, but I think an open relationship would be more of a problem for her belief system.
Both my wife and I were raised Catholic and we are seriously considering polyamory. After a lot of mulling and idea sorting, I brought some of my ideas to her and she was understanding of it all. Besides, Catholics are all about taking things in moderation. Take each other in moderation and start another relationship in moderation. Woot!

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
ID2: She's specifically said in the past that she would not want an open relationship.
I may be nitpicking here, but an open relationship is different than a poly relationship, no? I don't think I would like to see my wife running around with just whomever, should she decide to experience other men. We have talked about her having another committed partner and I feel much better about that. She feels the same way with the tables turned.

Quote:
Originally Posted by onoma View Post
So how does one bring an open relationship up to their religious girlfriend who's stated she doesn't want to in the past but has seemingly hinted that she might?
It sounds like she has brought it up a few times. Maybe test the waters a bit more by hinting at it and then carefully start moving into headier aspects of the topic. It all depends on how well you know each other. Will she blow a gasket if you start talking about this, will she accept what you have to say and think about it, or will she do something else?

My $0.92.
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