Oh the pain from your thread hurts my heart...
Everyone has added some good stuff. I know Mono would identify with you on this one, other than he has no problem with me wanting a woman in my life. He feels that way about more men coming into my life.
Have a good read elsewhere and take solace in the fact that you are not alone my friend. You came to the right place to get some respite from your pain in the form of support from those of us who have some history of similar feelings.
*hugs* good luck and keep talking about those very real and valid feelings to your love.
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