So we talked last week. He doesn't want what he described as partial relationships, ambigious relationships - like the one we were in. I told him I had trouble showing him where I was at emotionally, being less shielded, if I thought at some level, I was being assessed as girlfriend material. This was especially true because I am in so much pain caused by my breakup with Beloved that I am not at my best by any means. So I couldn't balance talking things over about my breakup with my good friend, which he is, and being a lover. It was all very strange.
So he does not want to be lovers, at least for a while. And I have to agree that that is the right idea for both of us right now. So we've broken up.
So while it's the right thing to do, it's still a painful rejection, especially since my main relationship has just ended. When we hung out next, SW told me he was more comfortable and relaxed around me, not feeling dissonance. The ambiguity had really wore on him and when it was resolved, he felt very relieved. My response was snarky and passive aggressive and not one of my better moments. He had not realized before that I was hurt - I hate showing pain and usually hide it. I apologized for the snarky comment and that I should have just told him I was hurt.