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Old 10-21-2011, 03:16 PM
poobah123 poobah123 is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 48
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Thanks.

Anneintherain you are right. The negative feelings are mostly focused on being uncomfortable with my wife and him physically less so emotionally. Also I am fighting the human programming of being poly not being normal. ugh.

I spoke with my OSO last night and told her I needed a break. Obviously she was very upset as am I. It's like I purposely tore my own heart out and hers too. WTF am I doing?

I told her that it was not fair to her that I put her through so many emotional ups and downs and that for the time being I wanted to avoid hurting her anymore and take time for myself. I have given a lot to both my wife and my OSO since this started but now I feel like I need to give to myself.

I have no doubt I love my OSO (wife too). If I did not, I would not be hurting so much today. I feel miserable. I am afraid I might lose something with her and never get it back. All because of some hidden bullshit in my head.

Still, when I think about being poly I see the great things that it brings in my life and the others involved.

I am trying to do the right thing. Take time to myself. reassess things and then make decisions. I am pretty sure I know how this will end up because I love both of them.
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