View Single Post
Old 10-21-2011, 03:02 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Hi there PooBah,

First off, I'd say you are possibly a bit confused, which never helps rough spots.
I'd say - just from what little you've written - that you guys dabbled in "swinging", which may or may not lead to poly understanding.
It's critical that you understand the difference ! Read/study until you do !

There's a wealth of good information on here as well as numerous other places.

There's a difference between "love" and 'infatuation'. Again, judging just from the little you wrote, I'd guess that what you were experiencing with your other partner was more infatuation. We don't just get bored with love so easily
Likely, this all started, like it so commonly does, out of a desire for some sexual variation, passion, whatever. It may not even have progressed beyond that although it seems there might be some potential. Now ou've tried it and discovered you are not studied enough or emotionally prepared for the roads this can take you down.
That's ok. Not everyone has it in them - for a variety of reasons.

All I can say is that the journey IS worth the struggle though if you can do it. it can be a life changing experience in how we view the world (and people) around us and how we fit in to the whole picture.

Good luck - whichever route you choose to follow.
Please feel free to come here for support. Lot of great, wise people here.


Originally Posted by poobah123 View Post
My wife and I are involved with another couple who are also married. In brief, it started when I had an emotional affair with the other woman. Along the way, I thought why not polyamory? So brought it up with my wife once in a while. Well, eventually she and he ended up in love.

When it started I was VERY jealous. Most of my desire to have an OSO relationship totally went away. Whatever spell she had on me was lifted. At least it felt that way.

However I continued because I wanted to overcome my jealousy and give something special to my wife. Since then I have made lots of progress but I am still struggling.

Now I am coming to grips with the fact that being poly may just not be for me. If I decide to end this I will end up hurting everyone involved. Especially my wife who loves him very much. I love my OSO very much as well but I am sad to say that I have no desire to have a relationship with her.

If I do ask to end things, how can we "just" be friends with them. How can my wife and i trust each other? I mean once your given a pass and you know how special that person means to her, if there is a weak moment they end up being physical. My wife suggested we way need to move away.

Any advice? Right now I told my wife not to make any rash decisions as I am still trying to figure if the problem is me holding onto stupid emotions like jealousy and possessiveness.

Reply With Quote