Originally Posted by poobah123
My wife and I are involved with another couple who are also married. In brief, it started when I had an emotional affair with the other woman.
Well that's why. Poly kinda means not squelching emotions if you don't have to, and you skipped over this statement's meanings to comment instead on your wife's emotions towards HIM when she had the nerve to feel things towards him, and your jealousy surrounding those feelings. If you'd started this thread with the above quote and YOUR wife's feelings about your emotions for the other woman & how to deal with that it would've been telling in a much different way than the fact that it is now that it's YOUR feelings that are being challenged & it's become "a problem".
I don't know what's happened - did the other woman just want to be friends with benefits? did she not know you had feelings? did she have them too but you felt it was "wrong" because you and your wife weren't identifying as poly? Are you irritated your wife wants more when you couldn't have more?