I can't believe we're trying this
I met someone, fell in love, and separated from my husband, but for economic reasons, and because I didnt want to be away from my daughter, I moved back home. I'm not sleeping with my husband, and havent since I met my boyfriend. A few months ago, I found out my boyfriend was seeing someone else, but he said he still wanted to see me. At first I was very hurt because I assumed he was leaving me and just letting me down gently, ripping the band aid off slowly, instead of quickly, so to speak, but he was very persistant in maintaining the relationship, even when I tried to break it off. So I agreed to keep seeing him.
Once I knew about their relationship, however, the other woman became uncomfortable with it all, and insisted she was "bowing out." However, they continued to see each other and continued to hide it. He said she had asked him not to tell me, but he also admitted he was afraid of losing me if I knew. When I found out the second time, I was hurt, probably more about the lying than anything else, especially since I had already agreed to it. Now the other other woman says she's ok with it, and she says she doesnt want him exclusively because she is very busy. But because of all the lying in the past, I'm not sure whether she's sincere. Maybe she is just waiting for him to fall out of love with me, or for me to get mad and go away.
This man has always wanted a relationship with two women, and has attempted it in the past with other women, but it never worked out because of jealousy. The other big factor in this situation is that he, himself, is extremely jealous and does not want either of us to be with any other man, and even gets angry if we have male friends, if anyone even calls, or comes by, etc. To me, this seems kind of hypocritical, but I dont actually have time for another intimate relationship, anyway. I can barely manage this one. (She's agreed to not see anyone else as well.) It drives me insane, though, to be accused of fooling around on him, when I'm not, and he's the one who wants a second relationship, and has lied about it.
Can this work? My biggest problem is dealing with my own feelings of jealousy when I think of them together, kissing, laughing, in bed, etc. (He claims it never bothers her, but I know from experience, the "new" woman usually doesnt feel as threatened.) My second worry is that if we disagree about anything, or I don't do whatever he asks, he will just go to her. And in some sense, it seems unfair that he always gets to feel loved and secure, knowing that at least one of us is always waiting for him, while we have to wrestle with all the doubt and jealousy. I think at some point he would like to have us all in bed together, he talks about it, but I dont think either I or the other woman have any bisexual inclinations and if I did it, it would be mainly to please him.
Do triads or vees or whatever this is,, ever work, or are they essentially unstable? Should I try it, or am I just not cut out for it?
Last edited by cheryl; 10-21-2011 at 06:16 AM.