What if she would be making different choices if she knew? Like, maybe she would have moved already, but she thinks she really has something with this guy, so she keeps finding reasons to delay the move because she's so torn? Maybe the truth would set her free.
But regardless of that possibility, the bottom line is that no one deserves to be lied to about something so fundamental by someone to whom they've entrusted their heart. The fact that the relationship is meant to be ending is completely moot. All relationships end in the end, even if only by death. So while we are together, we owe each other respect.
Sure she'll probably be quite mad. But every secret is at risk of being found out, and she will almost certainly be SO much more angry if it comes out accidentally versus him telling her. Aside from which, you really can NOT discount the safety/std thing... it's a real danger!
Whether you're coming at this from a perspective that's based primarily on practicality, ethicality, or spirituality, I think it works equally well for all three approaches to ask... how would you want to be treated if you were in her position?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Last edited by AnnabelMore; 10-21-2011 at 03:00 AM.