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Old 10-20-2011, 05:44 PM
onoma onoma is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 78
Default Bringing Up Poly

So I broke up with my g/f last Friday. Then we broke up again last night. Then we had great sex.

The problem: She wants to start trying for kids in less than a year. She's my first real girlfriend and second women I've slept with (I'm 34,) and since we moved in together things haven't really gone great. Lot's of fighting, and I have worries about how well we'd work long term and especially with raising kids.

So for me, kids means:
1) No chance at sleeping with other women ever, for the rest of my life. (Along with less opportunity for travel, exploration, trying different cities to live in.)

2) I might end up "chained" to a woman who makes me miserable if things don't improve.

The thing is, I'm focused on #2 which makes me say I'm not ready for kids. I don't even necessarily see the point of an open relationship, let alone procreation, if we'll be miserable together.

BUT she's focused only on "not ready for kids." She doesn't see the point of working on our relationship if I'm not ready for kids.

So last night when she tells me I just need to tell her how we can fix this, and that she'd do _anything_ to make me happy, it was all I could think about. I just needed to say that I'd be ready for kids if things worked better between us. Except that I'd still be concerned about #1... so the real answer is: I'd be more ready for kids if things worked better for us and I knew I'd have a shot at other experiences (including other women.)

Trying not to let this post get too long, but I'm really bad at that... so:

Increased Difficulty: She's Catholic. Not Catholic enough to wait until marriage, but I think an open relationship would be more of a problem for her belief system.

ID2: She's specifically said in the past that she would not want an open relationship.

However: She's always the one who's brought it up (to say she wouldn't.) There are other times she's said something that made me think about it.

Examples: Just as we were moving in together the whole "other women" thing came up and she offered to let me be single for a while.

We were watching Desperate Housewives and one girl hired a stripper for her husband, and my gf just joked that I'd enjoy that.

Then the other night on Ambien she actually started talking about what I'd want to do if she brought a "sex worker" home to me.



TL;DR Version:

So how does one bring an open relationship up to their religious girlfriend who's stated she doesn't want to in the past but has seemingly hinted that she might?
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