New to Poly as well
I find myself in a similar situation and trying to learn how to navigate our new lifestyle as well. I'll post elsewhere about the beginnings of our foray into poly, but here I will post my similar concern as well. Unlike you (vigda), we live in a smaller college town where it seems like male options for my wife are limitless; but lady options for me are nonexistent. In 6 months of looking for someone for me, I've only met one person whom turned out to be lying to themselves about their comfortableness with poly. So in my marriage, our poly lives are completely unbalanced; my wife has a boyfriend and a girlfriend and I'm left with having to fill my time with other activities while she's engaged with either of them. We do have our separate hobbies which makes that easy, but it doesn't change the total imbalance of our new ploy lifestyle. From all the reading I've done this statement always seems to find itself somewhere - "that's the flow of poly relationships one partner may have an outside relationship while the other doesn't and visa-verse". This statement however doesn't change what I believe to be a natural imbalance to the poly lifestyle; to some degree how I feel about poly can be summarized below:
My wife can walk down the street, go to a coffee shop then dancing that night and wind up with at least 10 phone numbers of guys willing to go out with her. Granted perhaps only one of them would be "actually" okay with her version of poly. However, if I were to do the same thing, my wedding band immediately respells any interest or also I'm accused of "cheating" and/or just lying about my wife actually being okay with poly. To clarify, I'm not looking for sex. However, just like vigda, I'm looking for another relationship.
Since we live in a smaller community, our poly group (which we have become active in) already has their established partnerships for the "men" in the group. While they are always accepting new women, the men that maybe attached to those new women are well - out of luck. Again yet another double standard I keep seeing both in real life and on dating sites (common post - couple seeking woman (unicorn) - NO MEN).
Thoughts? Vigda, have you seen the same thing?