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Old 10-19-2011, 09:12 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,718

It sounds to me like he has an idea of where he would like to go with his relationship to you two but you aren't listening or being respectful of his pace and knowledge about his own business. He know his girls, he knows his ex, he knows when the right time is to tell them about you, he knows what he wants to see happen and yet you are jumping ahead. Why? What's the rush? It isn't two against one here. Its three of you together supporting each other and alking through this together.

Personally, any man that puts his kids before me is a good man. Those kids are not at an age where they are able to go it alone. They need their Daddy to show them what kind of man is suitable and going to treat them right. He treats them right.

In my opinion kids are meant to be spoilt with a parents utmost attention and support regardless of what is going on in our lives. Okay, we as parents shouldn't give up our entire lives to our kids. They do learn boundaries from us, but when a kid needs its parent for emotional support and supports such as bringing to baseball practice or whatever we would be serving them best by being there. Putting the amount of date nights ahead of that is just not being a good parent I don't think. I think that there should be tons of flexibility, understanding and empathy there on your part.

I'm quite surprised that there is a complaint about how much time he spends with his kids when you have 5. I would think that this would be a no brainer really.

Having another kid? Ya, I don't get it. This kind of ownership and consumeristic way of having kids was never something within my realm of understanding. It sounds like you are years away from that anyway as far as I can see. There is a lot to do before then. It seems the order of business would be best as follows; get to know his girls as a friend (which it sounds like is on your agenda), get to know their mother, come out to girls and mother when a solid, respectful foundation is built, move him in, and then talk about a baby after the NRE of moving in has worn off. This could, and in my opinion should, take years. Pacing and letting things normalize is so important in complicated relationship dynamics.
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