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Old 11-02-2009, 01:25 AM
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rosevett rosevett is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Finger Lakes Region of NY
Posts: 135
Default A quick glimpse at me/us

Well we have such a life story and it's been said many times over but I love sharing our success as I am the happiest persons I know, simple because I have come to OWN my identity even though others think it might be unique it's just standard for me and I LOVE IT.

Why Poly? ? cuz it's an interesting WORD and so many variations ~ honestly because I see no sense in not continuing to love someone that is dear to your heart just because you are only allowed ONE.

Sexual Status: (is this really important? No idea but figure it's
part of any `profile') YEP

Age: over 40 and wouldn't change a thing

Location: Central NY an hour from ANYWHERE more precisely Middlesex


Status:
Currently my relationship configuration(aka FAMILY) is something of a
chain: Karen's friend(s), Karen, Richard(our b/f), ME, and Martin (my b/f)

Family:[/B]
I don't have an ideal configuration as long as everyone is open and
comfortable with who is with who and there is love, caring, honesty and
communication we are all good. Right now with our existing family I'm hoping for no changes however life happens which in my experience brings about change. Hopefully we will be open to possibilities.


Narrative:
Since I could remember when people would discuss the fact that so and so was seeing another person or I would catch drift of a `key party' and since I spent lots of time at my friend's house (whose parents we very open) I never understood why someone could get so worked up about loving/caring about other people.

In general, my relationship experiences proved to be serial monogamy with a side of cheating. There were a couple times before my great epiphany that I almost lived and learned what Polyamory(open) relationships were. One being when I was told `Your partner is cheating on you' I was more pissed that he didn't tell me about it then the fact that he was seeing someone else ? that I actually didn't mind, but at the time of that particular event I didn't have the resources or knowledge I do now, so asically just ignored the accusation.

Again without reliable resources or a good handle on who I personally was it was nearly impossible for me to LIVE and LOVE as such. The first time a partner said to me, without one iota of jealousy or anger, `you still love him' was the moment that I decided I needed to find a viable and realistic
way to love more then one openly. This was still a long process and a few others to
the wayside that said they understood me but couldn't live/love me as I was.

I have finally found others that connected with me and that I cared about deeply ? of course we have progressed through our relationship and have gone through various steps/stages in each of these relationships individually and collectively. As mentioned above we consist of myself, Richard(life partner of 5 years) & Martin(partner of over 2 yrs)and our newest member Karen(R's g/f).

I feel we are some of the lucky few, from what I can tell, that started out with a 'clean slate' so to speak.

Richard entered my life(or visa versa) with the knowledge that I could never be a monogamous person. My heart would always belong to many and with that most likely other parts of my body and being. We worked on the labels, our communication and our opposite personalities together creating a very loving bond. We grew to love each other as husband and wife and live as such. We started out in the swingers community mostly because it was the easiest community to find and it is exciting and FUN(them there people can throw a party). We worked on both avenues of `lifestyles' trying to figure out what we were REALLY looking for and came to a mutual agreement and I believe BIG sigh of relief to know that we were truly wanting Polyamorous lives.

Martin joined us over two years ago, from a 'sowing your oats' agenda, he knew in his heart that one could love more then one at a time but wasn't sure if it was a lifestyle he would be willing to live in such a manner. We grew closer, he and Richard are close and I keep reading in AW at how much our dynamics match those of Mono & family.

The three of us are living in the same home with my adult children and it has been a wonderful transition without any noticable glitches.

Karen found US via Richard online and says it is so great being with people that already GET IT.

We spend much time together as family and there have been alot of collaberation for cooperation so everyone gets time to share and enjoy unique dynamics.

Karen & I attended this years poly conference together and became members of the Polyamory Leadership Network, spend time perusing and sharing on the internet, and living daily as poly. We have noticed there is more Poly in the media everyday and are hoping to be part of the voices that create the Culture that does not see Poly as different. I know I am keeping an eye out on open opportunities to share our lifestyle without 'coming out' and found that it is amazing how people just accept it since I do not come across as a power hungry activist that wants to MAKE everyone do poly since it's the best choice. I'm just the friend next door that has an extra boyfriend.

Our next big step was a BIG family weekends was a mini cohabitation and cooperations as we spent a long weekend at a music festival as volunteers in a mini tent village. There were camp cooks, engineers(to pitch camp and keep out the rain), social director & shared child care. It was a huge job and bigger for some then others and adjustments will be made for the next outing but all in all it was amazing how much of a well oiled machine we were - you would have thought we had been doing it TOGETHER for years.

Our most current celebration was the anniversary that Karen has been with us, she and Richard took a mini vacation and as she has four children to care for Martin & I became built in sitters. Talk about an action packed weekend and to top it off after K&R returned we did a small imprompt ceremony and exchanged like rings for all to wear as a symbol for our commitment to each other and the family.

We all have children ranging from 10 ? 20something ? and grandchildren ? the majority of the families know to some degree or another of our family dynamics and it's pretty much a non-issue. The younger children seem to really understand that we are all family and care for them as such and miss any of us that are not there at any given time. Unfortunatly Karen & the children live an hour away and we do not see them as often as we would all like and since they are the newest addition to the family due to circumstances we will not be surprised to an additional fully committed adult to the family in the near future; again not a LOOKING for but 'sure it'll happen' thing(if that makes sense)

For me things have been going great, don't get me wrong there are always some issue to deal with but we are typically right on top of it to deal with it and get it out of the way ? 'why spend valuable loving time on matters that are easily fixed.'
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