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Old 10-19-2011, 03:44 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
If he's serious about this relationship, he needs to come clean to them, so that you all can spend more time together now and so that you can have a future together. Waiting a while was perfectly reasonable, but a year is long enough. After all he'll have to tell them if/when he has your child, right? If they're going to have to know eventually, why not save a lot of the angst and do it sooner rather than later? He doesn't have to tell them that it's been a whole year, I think it's okay to fudge a little on that part.
I think that it's definitely up to him when to tell the kids. Just because it's been a year doesn't mean it's *time* to do it. It depends on a lot of elements-- how certain he is that things will last, how secure he feels in the relationship, his kids personalities and temperaments, the kids' mother and concerns about how she would react to this situation...

When I met my hubs and started dating it was about a year and a half until they even knew he existed, let alone met him. Even then it was probably almost 3 years until we hung out at all together. I needed to make sure this person was going to be in my life for a while before introducing them to my kids.

And frankly, I am not a big believer that kids need to be "in" on every aspect of their parents' life. In fact, there is a lot of damage that can be done in giving too much information too freely to your kids. There's a big problem lately with parents seeing their kids as "friends and confidents" instead of children. It puts the child in the position of handling information they are not mature enough to handle and ends up causing them issues in their future relationships. And I don't see anything wrong with keeping dating life separate from home/kid life until there is the decision to make things more permanent, and then you can integrate the two.

And, like NYCINDIE said, there are serious vital concerns that if the mom of the kids is unhappy with the situation he could end up losing custody of his kids over it. This isn't a concern to be brushed off lightly.

That said, having a talk about what's going on currently, where you all see yourself eventually, is not a bad idea. But why the rush? So often on here I see people rushing headlong into making relationships more serious and rushing to move in together instead of taking time and enjoying the moments now as they are.
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