Torment of falling for a mono
I have a problem, I'm always developing crushes on mono-men (who are either not open to poly or believe I will leave my husband for them)... So, this is more of a vent. I wish I had known about poly years and years ago. I felt forced to choose between my spouse and boyfriend(I'll call him E) at the time (8 years ago). E stopped talking to me for about 2 years until he found a girlfriend and he reconnected with me as a friend. He says things that make me believe he still has feelings for me and my feelings for him have never left. After my husband and I began talking about exploring poly, I mentioned it to E. He made jokes, said that if I had brought it up before when he was drunk or his relationship were rocky then he would have been interested in it. I don't think it would work unless he is in a relationship, because of the long distance we live apart. I don't see his relationship lasting, because she's talking to ex's and there were some inappropriate convos he caught her in. Hell, she could be poly and just not know what it is. But, everything he tells me leads me to think he's not willing to consider exploring poly. He's the one person that I could really imagine having a long term secondary relationship with and one my husband is 100% fine with already. So, I'm feeling sad and frustrated that he seems to be so hardcore mono(based on convos we've had). Anyone ever had this problem or anything similar?
"Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, it will be."