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Old 10-18-2011, 04:46 PM
Minxxa Minxxa is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 495

While I certainly can see your frustration, I think there's a point that tends to get lost on this board a lot (since most people coming here are poly). And that is that there is nothing wrong with your partner choosing monogamy, being monogamous and NOT wanting to have polyamory involved in their relationship.

While I agree with NYCINDIE that nobody gets to tell you what you can do or try to control your actions... the flip side of that is that since you ARE involved in a couple you don't necessarily just get to do whatever you want whenever you want and expect your partner to be okay with that.

The gist is... you need to define who you are and what you really want, and of course, stand up for that. But you also need to accept that if your partner's wants and needs are the polar opposite, you will need to accept that you are not compatible relationship-wise.

I see tons of people coming here to try to "convince" their partner that poly is the way to go and how to "show them that it's doable". Well, for some people it really isn't doable. And to me not accepting that is just as disrespectful of the other person as if your partner were to go to a "mono" board asking for advice to "convince" you that monogamy was the best way to go and try to get you to agree to that even though it wasn't who you are.

If bisexuality and polyamory really are necessary parts of you that you need to have integrated into your life to be truly happy, then you need to express that to your partner and expect that they will either choose to live in a way that is most likely NOT rewarding for them, or choose to leave. The "I want to do it my way and have my partner be okay with it" is what everybody wants, I know... but that's not reality. And it's not really taking the OTHER person into consideration.

Basically, it's tons of selfish.

I think often people come here thinking if the other person just "reads the right stuff and tries it" that they'll agree it's fabulous. And that's just not the case for a lot of people. And that's all right. There is nothing wrong with being monogamous if that's who you are. And nobody should try to "convince" someone to act differently than who they are.
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