Black Unicorns idea is a good one. As opening the communication is the only means to sustain the relationship in the long term...........However, I'm also sensing something else in your words which has me curious.
You said that you were burned in your previous poly relationship. If I understood correctly you became "odd person out."
Could some of your concerns regarding control of communication be the result of not wanting to repeat history from the last relationship?
My only advice to you on that front is to be comfortable with you and accept that to a certain extent the universe will unfold as it should. Yes the communication needs to be multi-directional, but please by accepting of the fact that sometimes the ideal bonding in communications won't take root regardless of how much of an effort is extended.