thanks for the advice guys. Jools- i did actually write her a letter, however didn't get any feedback so not too sure how it was recieved. A few things for me to have a good long think about from your comments. I agree about friendliness being a bare minimum. I am still struggling a bit with old modes of thinking telling me i am doing something wrong by dating 'someone else's boyfriend' which i think has thrown a few spanners in the works for me feeling guilty and as tho i'm 'bad'. I'm not sure if its just my projection but i also feel like this is how she sees me which makes it difficult for me to relate without feeling guilty or remorseful almost for 'causing trouble' in her relationship. I then flip to feeling defensive of myself because on another level i know i've done nothing wrong. I'm sure this battle of the conscience is normal as ppl start out in poly relationships for the first time.. Anyways, Thanks again all.