Originally Posted by sea
It is a proven fact the the human brain hasn't fully even developed untill 25 years of age!! At 20 and 21 years of age, I am sorry, but you don't have the maturity and knowledge to even fathom all the in and outs of a monogamous relationship, never mind a multi faceted poly one! ( I am not saying Vi and Anne specifically, but that age group)
No needs to duck, sea. lol I just have to point out that this is one of my pet peeves. I did a lot of study on exactly what parts of the brain aren't fully developed - because it was something that my older partners often pulled on me when I would say or do something they deemed immature or unwise. Sometimes, they were right - other times, not so much.
I can see where one might assume - based on the recent research and also on experience with many "older adolescents" (which is still what we're considered until 25, from a neural standpoint) - that we aren't able to grasp the "in and out of a monogamous relationship". It's less about the so-called hard science, IMO, and more about said adolescent's personal experiences, the way it's affected them, combined with some science. Like we don't all know someone in their 30's or 40's who have less ability to be rational and conduct themselves in a way that's DECIDEDLY not conducive to a relationship (poly or otherwise), let alone in some cases function in society. I know 40-year-olds who would be better off associating themselves with my best friend's 13 year old sister than their own age group.
The research has concluded that in the majority of people aged 10-25, that it's the prefrontal cortex (which controls the "executive functions" of higher reasoning; ie, impulse control), and the neurotransmitters that manage dopamine (the chemical that controls concentration, advanced problem-solving, etc). It explains why people "our age" are so impulsive, and have a tendency to be emotionally driven. I can stand up and admit that I have moments where I have said - out loud - "Aww, crap. That was a rebellious teenage moment, wasn't it?" to HMA. He always laughs at me. Most people my age wouldn't be so capable. lol At least I can recognize it, move past it, and get on with life.
Development and capabilities of the adolescent brain are affected greatly by environmental and situational factors as well. Alcohol does HORRIBLE things to brain development before 25 (yet our drinking age is still 21. So weird.), and severely inhibits the prefrontal cortex's ability to handle rational thought and impulse control, forcing the individual to rely heavily on the "emotional" sectors of the brain to influence decisions. It also has a ton to do with what portions of the brain are used most often, etc.
The research also states that while the brain isn't done FULLY maturing, with all connections made - the biological age in which all "grey matter" is up to par and functional is 20-21. It's a matter of how you exercise it, as I stated above. IF you're still stuck in your "emotional area", allowing that to govern you - it will take time for the brain to develop those connections fully. If you actively work to think rationally, correct yourself when you're not, etc - your brain is functioning at the "adult level" of maturity by the age of 20-21. Most people in this age group obviously don't. lol
Anyway, I ranted off enough. Just keep in mind that there are a LOT of factors that go into the way a person thinks, handles relationships, and conducts themselves that ISN'T related to an under-developed brain.
Anne and I are perfectly capable of handling ourselves. Don't make a judgment call like that - especially not about me - without knowing what made me who I am. I've packed a lot of life into 20 years, done a lot of damage, been married and divorced already, etc. Anne - well, not so much. But she's ahead of her time too.
Still, appreciate the input!