Thread: Discovery!
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Old 10-17-2011, 06:14 PM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
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Originally Posted by Mac341 View Post
Is not wanting her new oso all over me also wrong?
this is an *energy* thing for me, amazingly enough, If I wanted to be rolling around in that person's energy, I'd be with *them*.

Is me saying hey, don't go directly from sexual contact with them to being sexually intimate with me, also wrong?
1. Do you go right from being with your live in partner and having fun with them (sexual or not) to having fun with your girlfriend? Is THAT wrong? Would you refrain from making out with a live in partner if you had a date with somebody else that night who was uncomfortable with this?

2. The second part is totally right as rain - as long as everybody is comfortable with it. If you want to ask for separate date nights where she doesn't see other partners of course that is fine but I don't know that she is obliged to agree to this if she wants to have a warm body next to her at night. I don't think I saw you address if you go home after a date with your gf and avoid your SO, or are willing to live by the same agreements you would ask of your girlfriend. It seems obvious your gf wouldn't ask that of you because it doesn't make much sense.

I found out that my boyfriend was going over to his primary partners house to spend the night after our dates sometimes (that ended at 11pm) and I felt a bit of odd about that when she told me, but it was for her comfort level to have that happen. I sure wouldn't ask him to stay at home and not be with her for X amount of hours after we had sex, whether or not he lived with her. I certainly would not hesitate to ask for a non married partner not to go have second dates after a date with me if I was having big problems with it, but I hope that would be temporary while I figured out how that was any different than if I was dating a married person who went home to their wife.

And as for your gf feeling ALONE and disconnected when you leave? That could be a combination of things, lonely, sad, she knows you are not hers anymore until your next date and if she dwells on that she will feel unsatisfied in the relationship and not want to be in it. You might feel the same way if you were a single poly and dating a married person, I have heard from one single dating a married person that they know where the relationship begins and ends and there are limits, so letting your emotions be too present when you're not together can lead wanting more than you have and being miserable.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 10-17-2011 at 06:39 PM. Reason: cause I can't speak in complete sentences today
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