Thread: new to all this
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Old 10-17-2011, 06:21 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by rothko View Post
we sorta decided we'd just have fun with our relationship until the time came for her to leave... but i realized i just couldn't do it, that the sex would feel humiliating, like i'd be begging for the dregs of her affection at this point. (that has a lot to do with her previous unavailability in general, not just that she's gonna go be with this guy.)

does that mean i'm not really cut out for this?
No, I'd say you're very cut out for poly!

Why? Because poly isn't about just sex. It's about having, multiple meaningful relationships.

That is not to say that a poly person couldn't also have casual sex with people who are not committed partners, but that aspect would be considered "open" rather than polyamorous. Though your relationship with her started out as primarily sexual in its focus, obviously it evolved to include more heartfelt emotions. You cared for her and wanted her affection, and that was more important to you than the sex. That is definitely poly.

I think you should pat yourself on the back for not putting up with a situation that you knew would demoralize you and make you feel worse. Sure, you might miss her, but you stood up for yourself and that is always a good thing.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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