Fair and equality are different things.
I'm working with that concept now, very hard.
The implication that because I'm going to a house where there's a loved one, it's tacitly unfair that I ask her to be alone. Here's the problem, I never envisioned that she was alone... or more accurately, bereft, once I'm gone.
Many see me going "home to my Primary" in every sense of the word. So because I get one, it's only fair that she get one (equality). Here's the thing, for all intents and purposes, my Primary could be a roommate or not present at all. I go home but I don't "go home to him."
After she and I are together even when I drive away, she's with me. She's all over me, in me, through me. I can still breath her in, hear her laugh, my heart is still beating at that slower pace. I'm still 98% connected to her. In order for me to be that connected to someone else so quickly, I would have to make a heroic effort to disconnect myself from the previous person.
And until she and I finally spoke, long, hard, loud and tearfully today, that was the inner dialogue, complete with movie reel: That she intentionally discarding us... me, to be with the other person.
She has managed to convince me that this is inaccurate, that for her, my leaving is a profound disconnect and she's truly alone in every sense of the word, when I walk out that door.
Frankly, that breaks my heart.