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Old 10-17-2011, 01:52 AM
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Seasnail Seasnail is offline
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 77

Nycindie, I totally get what you mean about missing your husband and being happy with a lover at the same time. Lots of my friends don't, though some do.

It's not that I feel I need to find someone to be in a poly tangle with me right away. Or perhaps even ever. I sort-of fell into a poly relationship because of my husband. I'm not really sure it's something I want in the long run.... except I'm already in it now, and leaving doesn't feel right either.

In the meantime, I feel a value conflict in dating without sharing this information, and it drives me a bit crazy. I guess part of the legacy of my broken-up marriage is that I now need a really high amount of openness in communication in order to feel at ease. Like many, my husband cheated on me before he "discovered" his poly side. I feel as though I'm cheating if I leave stuff out... especially where sexual partners are involved. I can't remember if I originally posted about that? I'm obviously involved with my lover, and I'd like to be with the new squeeze too.

I had a chat with a poly friend this morning, and we practiced how to bring it up in a non-threatening way. I had been feeling quite anxious, having decided that I needed to tell him, but not really knowing how to go about it. So I have a few segues, from best/worst dating scenarios, to different ideas about what constitutes friendship/relationship, to not limiting love, to open relationships. She also encouraged me by saying that she generally only has a 20% run-away factor. So we'll see how it goes.
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