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Old 10-17-2011, 01:08 AM
gypsygirl gypsygirl is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 9
Default Not really new, but need some reassurance

Hi! For ease of reading- there's me, there's my boyfriend, Sanguinist, his girlfriend, Sleepsong, and her son Z. Z is two.

Many years ago, in college, Sanguinist and Sleepsong dated, as part of a poly arrangement. They broke up, and eventually both got married. Her job and her husbands took her to a different part of the country. His marriage ended badly, and she got back in touch with him, and they started a long distance relationship (much to her husband's displeasure).

Here's where I come in. I met him, fell incredibly hard. I met her virtually, and tried to help her husband (via email) come to terms with polyamoury.

We failed to convert her husband (which I'm hardly surprised at, since he entered it as a mono relationship, and had little choice in the opening of it), and she (and Z) moved in with another man (and his wife and son) she's seeing in this area.

This arrangement has proved hard, as the other people in the house expect her to do all the cooking, and to help with their child, but are unwilling (and sometimes unable) to help her with anything. It's not like she doesn't have a full time job, either.

I only know about this stuff from what he as told me. She does not communicate with me, though I feel I have done everything I can to leave the avenue open and invite her to do so. I've suggested to him several times that he should have her over when I am there- but almost every time I've done so, she declines, for what seem increasingly thin reasons.

Which brings about the situation that's bothering me. She has suggested that she should move in with Sanguinist. She's been dropping hints for months. The problem there is that I do not live alone, and his house is a very small one. I am afraid that her moving in with him will eliminate any alone time he and I might have. I can hardly ask her to take a small child somewhere overnight so that I can sleep over.

Can someone tell me that this will work out, that some similar arrangement worked out for you? I know it's likely an irrational fear, but I'm afraid she's trying to get rid of me. (And sadly, I have a basis for this fear in another relationship that all but ended when someone else moved in with him.)

I guess I just need someone to tell me that the evil voice in the back of my head is wrong, that nobody's as devious as I keep thinking she is.

Thanks in advance.
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