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Old 10-15-2011, 06:20 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,723

Have you been diagnosed bipolar? Your description of being intelligent but emotional is not what I know of the illness. If you haven't, then perhaps you aren't. That might be something to check out. Some people find ways to cope in life by doing what you are doing regardless of mental illness. Good for you figuring out what works without medication. Having said that, sometimes medication is also helpful. This is your journey with this though and it sounds like you have a good handle on it right now.

It sounds to me like waiting for a year might just prolong the agony. After NRE it does happen that perspective changes and things that seemed impossible become possible, so waiting might be an answer too... it depends on you and what it all means to her.

If you sit and think of her with another man and can't breath then perhaps practising that will help. Teach your body how to cope before it happens. If this is that important to you then this can work. I call it "walking through" the emotions. People use this technique to pick apart jealousy and get at all the root causes of it. For me that feeling of not being able to breath is that I am overwhelmed with several emotions at once and several threats... it might help to pick this feeling apart and figure out what the threats and emotions are... then discuss with your partner.

My biggest suggestion is that you don't do this alone. It is of utmost importance that she know your process every step of the way... she will need to walk you through the scenarios that play out in your head so that when someone comes along you are already solid in your communication and way of relating around this. Giving it all a time line such as a year puts a lot of pressure on you to succeed in being able to handle it by then. Its not like being in school where you put the work in and pass somehow. Its a process that is on going. Either you are willing to engage in that process and all it brings or you are not. I have been aware and practising poly relationship dynamics for many years and still am in that process. I am where I am with it all and don't pretend to be better at it because of time. I am more accomplished than some because I have worked on it.
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