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Old 10-15-2011, 04:40 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Originally Posted by CranberryStardust View Post
And no, I've never asked for his number. I would say its pretty apparent that I am not allowed to have it.
You're right -- she/they are being very inconsiderate. But you've gotta take some personal responsibility here. No one is a mind reader and even if your needs/desires seem obvious to you it will always be hit or miss as to whether or not they're fullfilled unless you speak up about them.

What could you possibly have to lose in this situation by just asking for the things you want, such as his contact information? What room do you have to complain about not having his number, or his dick, when you're not prepared to just ask him for it directly? At worst they could cut things off, and how much of a loss would that be when you're thinking about doing the same thing yourself? At least then their true colors would be revealed and you wouldn't have to wonder what the deal is anymore.

I don't say these things to try to help you fix this situation because I believe this situation is beyond helping -- you should leave. I say them to possibly help you deal with other situations in the future. Ask yourself what held you back from asserting yourself here... fear of confrontation, feeling like you don't deserve more, feeling like there was no way you would be listened to and that that was ok? It's not ok.

You *do* deserve more, but until you act as if you realize that by speaking up for yourself, people are going to continue to disregard your needs. People have a very hard time showing respect to someone who doesn't respect him or herself... it's just a sad fact of human nature.

Plus, one more thing about asking for what you want directly... people just may surprise you by giving it to you! Like I said above, people aren't mind readers and there's always a chance that they honestly just don't know how much you're hurting here and would change their behavior if they did. And if they don't, well, again, what do you have to lose? Serious question.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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