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Old 10-15-2011, 11:01 AM
Giles Giles is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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I had never considered those trends in psychotherapy--fascinating. I've been thinking that it would be best to consider both of our behaviors as simply an inability to handle a) whatever "personality" issues are present, b) a huge teaching workload, which cut down our energy to talk about the relationship, and c) the rules themselves, which were too advanced for such a young relationship. And just as it would be too soon to marry, I think it's too soon to do the opposite: break up. Maybe there's a way to understand where she's coming from with "controlling men" by sitting back and letting her explore all that on her own. Dating for me is tough--listing myself as "polyamorous" on OKCupid does not seem to work out, and it would be unethical to lie or tell someone I'm not monogamous until three dates in. Instead, I will do other social things--essentially go back to the introverted nerd I was. That's another thing I forgot to say: I've always been a shy guy who doesn't get lucky all that often, whereas she's a total player who is never single for very long. I think I assumed that magically, out of nowhere, other poly couples would find us on OKCupid and there would be some real-life network of them we would join, and I would find other secondary lovers immediately. Didn't happen. So, I've got to think of myself as essentially the same as I was, plus a part-time girlfriend. Maybe some day I'll find a primary without having to sacrifice nonmonogamy.
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