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Old 10-15-2011, 10:54 AM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
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Originally Posted by opalescent View Post
I'm fascinated by this thread. I am especially interested that some folks have connected slut with being a sexual healer. That sluts (who are female - there is no male equivalent in English)
Man whore is a term I've heard. Don Juan is another. Of course, that's supposed to be a compliment... but I don't think it is!

There are lots of women in the kink community who have reclaimed the words slut, cunt and whore, and men who will use those terms as a compliment or turn-on during sex or kinky activities. It's generally seen as a sex positive idea.


I consider slut a shame word thrown at women and girls who enjoy sex, who experience and share the pleasures of sex. Slut, as a derogatory term, is sometimes used about women or girls who often haven't had sex with lots of partners - but gave some sort of indication that she enjoyed it. This dovetails with Redpepper's ideas on what a slut is. It's not the number of partners, but that she enjoyed it!
Holdover from the patriarchy, especially from Victorian days. Back then it was officially broadcast that women did not ever experience sexual desire, but were supposed to offer their bodies to their husbands only for his pleasure, and to procreate. Of course, there were thousands of prostitutes back then, and a big porn industry. Also, electric vibrators were invented then, right after the lightbulb, to be used by male doctors on women who were suffering "nervous exhaustion" or "hysteria."

I'm also intrigued that the sexual healing encounters described have all been heterosexual. I racked my brains trying to remember if any lesbian or queer friends have mentioned a similar experience. I haven't come up with any. Of course, just because I haven't heard about sex as healing in this manner among queer people doesn't mean it doesn't happen. But I wonder if all this sexual healing is one-sided. All of the stories in our small sample were of a woman healing a man - not the other way around. Of course, this doesn't mean it doesn't happen but it is very suggestive to me.
Well, I am in a lesbian relationship, my primary is a woman. (I ID as genderqueer and pansexual.) I know our sex has been extremely healing for both of us. Also, I had a LTR with a mostly closeted bi man, and would role play being a male lover for him. (We only met irl about 5 or 6 times, over the course of about 18 mos, but cybered a lot. )

Right now I am entering into a friendship with a cross dresser male... We've only chatted so far, but even my open attitude towards his gender ID and the type of sex he'd like has been a bit healing and encouraging for him. (See the "Complicated" thread.)

As far as a man healing a woman during sex, well, I certainly used to experience that feeling after a hot roll in the hay with my boytoy D.

I do admit I am a typical warm nurturing mama type. It doesnt take much to get me interested in taking care of someone who seems to be in distress. (For example, I have been doing volunteer work for over 20 years with a breastfeeding support organization, helping moms who are having difficulties breastfeeding.) But I do take good care of myself. I can see the signs of getting burnt out, and I step back and do nice things for myself.

Also, my idea of helping is not to give a person a fish, but to teach them how to fish.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years
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