It was my birthday yesterday - I turned 40. I made myself invite friends to dinner and I did have a good time. I'm glad I didn't sit at home and cry which was what happened the last time we broke up. (Yes, she dumped me in the fall both times.)
I was asked at dinner what my goals for the next year are. I don't have any. I was asked what I wanted to see happen in the next year. I got nothing. Nothing to say on either.
My relationship with Beloved was the foundation of my life. And I thought that was a good thing. I can and will live without her obviously. But our 'us-ness' gave my life much of its meaning, and movement. She thinks there is no more us-ness, or what there is is not worth trying to save, that it's hopeless. She might be right. It's a moot point anyway.
I have to rebuild my life and I hate that. Shitty way to begin a new decade.