Oh boy, I feel for you Veganchick and I also feel for your husband. Too many times have misunderstandings or miscommunications or insecurities have gotten my husband and I into huge fights, where we thought too that it is time to throw in the towel and call it a day. He and I are so compatible on so many levels, and our day to day life is amazing, but when we get into confrontations it seemed like we were both coming from a different planet. I would beg, apologize, explain and he would give me the silent treatment, say I was just trying to justify my behavior, I was not truly sorry. Ugh!
However, the last big fight we had I came across this quiz called the Languages of Apology, I actually think I found this here on the forum
While not all of this quizzes on the internet help or are factual, this one hit home for both of us. Even though we love each other like crazy and get along 95% of the time, we have completely different styles of apology. I took it, and once I got him to calm down (after days of the silent treatment from him), he took it as well... it was a big WOW and then led to a lot of meaningful and heartfelt discussions where both of us could see where the other person was coming from and how our different needs in respects to apologies were a barrier to our communications in resolving problems. Give it a try, it definitely helped us to see our differences. Good luck!