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Old 10-14-2011, 07:52 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,668

Originally Posted by Dreamweaver View Post
Hi all I have been on this board for a bit and thought its time to take the leap and reach out as I have read a bit here and know there is a whole world of like minded people that think like me. I have been married for 12 years and we met as a ffm trio. J and I decided to get married and move back to Toronto leaving x there.
So you're a guy, you had 2 gfs, J and X, dumped X, got married to J, and moved to Toronto with her. I'm not confused yet.

We... got into swinging...

For the last two years J has been turned off sex and I have been very patient. She has encouraged me to find a lover and have replied to ads for us
Now I am confused. She is off sex but she is replying to ads for sex, which are seeking a sexual partner for you? She doesn't want sex, so why is she replying to the ads? Why isn't that your job?

but most are either swingers or appealed by us being married and me having a lover. J has had a few lovers...
But I thought she was "off sex?"

...but she seems happy with us finding a lover and friend.
A sex partner for you who may become a friend for her? She doesn't want sex, you say. Do you mean she just doesn't want sex with you? Or she would have sex with you if another partner was also in the bed? How do you feel about that?

A new lover for you is under no obligation to become friends or lovers with J.

We have no issues with being with another couple as friends and lovers but J does not want to interact and this displeases others.
Well yeah. You're the one who wants sex and romance with others. J can seek friends outside of the dating community. On her own. Not with singles and couples who want sex/romance.

Maybe a triad with another couple where the lady is shared would perhaps be best for now?
How could you sexually "share" her if J doesn't want sex?

My advice, for as far as I understand it now, is to stop thinking as "we" and start acting as individuals. You want sex with others... go get it. J wants some new non-sexual friends, go get 'em, J.

J can join ok cupid and just write in her profile she is seeking friends. Or she can meet them in real life through hobbies, work, volunteering, etc.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags, F, 60, poly-dating, loving and living with
miss pixi, F, 38
Punk, 41, M
Old Friend, gender fluid
Nick, 35, M (occasional lover)
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