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Old 10-14-2011, 04:35 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 6,282

Originally Posted by Minxxa View Post
I think a lot of times people find a lot of reasons not to make a change out of a basic sense of fear. Change is hard. Even when your current situation sucks ass, at least it's a KNOWN commodity. To break out on your own requires you to face the unknown... and a lot of people can't, won't, aren't able to do that.
Yes. But it can be done. I did it. I spent 10 of the last years of my marriage with a passive aggressive guy who was willing and eager to have sex with me, but had consciously made the decision to stop telling me he loved me, stopped calling me honey, stop holding my hand when we walked around in public, stopped even kissing me! He also "went on strike" (his words) as far as housework, finances, yardwork or car maintenance. I was afraid to leave my gilded cage, give up the house I'd decorated and gardens I'd lovingly planted, give up my indoor/outdoor cat, shake up my (homeschooled) kid's lives, live in an apartment on whatever alimony I could get, etc. Finally I realized I'd rather be happy in my own little apartment on a limited income, than in that house... with him. And I am happy. So happy now.

Even though we've been together almost 3 years now, my gf tells me she loves me multiple times a day. When we cuddle on the couch in the evenings watching TV and I need to get up to go get a drink or pee, she tightens her legs around me so I can't get up for a minute, snuggles me, and then lets me up and says, "Hurry back." Plus she has compersion for me around any other people I am crushing on or dating! I feel blessed, I feel lucky, but I know it's not just luck, it's my own bravery and hard work that got me to this much more contented life. We are really helping each other grow, always moving forward, not just holding grudges over the past and longing for no change.

I guess I am writing this not so much for Iloveyoutwo, as for her bf or any lurkers here who are considering divorce.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Mags (poly, F, 62) loving Pixie (poly, F, 40) since January 2009, living together since 2013
Seeing Kahlo (polyish, M, 45)
Master, (mono, M, 36), Pixie's Dom/bf for 3+ years
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