*rolls eyes* She's his wife, not his owner. Call or email him, if you think what you need is to talk to him directly, just do it. Seriously. Normally I would never recommend going behind someone's back, even about something as small yet crucial as communication, but this whole situation is so stupid-dysfunctional. Just talk to him, as if *gasp* you were two adults!
That said, um, even though she sounds like a total bitch (shooting you down, not taking you seriously, why the hell would you stand for that and not just go off on her?), I would probably end up being jealous and a little controlling in her situation too. Right now you're getting what she can't have from the person who she wants it from most. That's gotta sting, bitchiness aside.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.